Against George Lucas

OK, this is a very old and very played out criticism, but I don't care. George Lucas is at it again.

Hey, remember this tub of crap?

When Lucas took what should have been the most badass moment of the whole series and turned it into some sort of bizarre parody of Frankenstein (sans irony) with a shot from the ceiling of Darth Vader saying "NOOOO!" that defies all reason and taste as an attempt at legitimate drama ("MENDOZAAAA!!!!!")?

Well, Lucas has now decided to ramp up his campaign of terror against his own fans by taking this campy moment and extending it into the original trilogy, with the upcoming bluray release of the whole series. Take a look.

I could scarcely believe this wasn't a hoax until Lucasfilm confirmed that this change, along with several others (such as replacing puppet Yoda with CGI yoda in Phantom Menace and giving Ewoks blinking, moving eyes in Jedi) will indeed be a part of the bluray release.

I could spend hours trying to describe the depths of depravity that I think compel George Lucas to constantly make creative changes to works long established and cherished in the public psyche. Suffice to say we're all aware that he is deranged. Unfortunately, the bottom line is that Lucas owns the films, and he's going to do whatever he wants with them. And there's nothing we can do about it.

I feel that Justice demands that those rights be stripped away from him, the original films be restored, and that he should suffer in some unimaginably painful way for his crimes against taste. However, we live in a society of laws where, unfortunately, Daddy Justice cannot always be served to the extent that he should.

I do have a modest suggestion, for how we can serve justice without violating property rights and inflicting arcane torture. It's quite simple, really. To quote Jay Sherman, "If you stop watching bad movies, they'll stop making bad movies". Make a vow to yourself that you will give no more of your hard earned dollars to fund George Lucas's madness and tyranny. Do not purchase any new products produced by Lucasfilms. Do not patronize any films produced or endorsed by Lucasfilms. Do not, for an instant, turn to a television station that is showing any of the Star Wars films. To do so is to give royalty money to Lucas by proxy, through ratings and advertising funds on the channel in question. Cut him off completely and utterly.

We have been lax these past decades. And Lucas has interpreted our laxity and lack of moral fiber as an endorsement of his actions. No more. Cut him off. If he ever gets the picture, and re releases the original versions of the films, give him a hearty "yes" vote by going out and purchasing at least one copy of each.

This is the best that we, the little people, can do. We don't have the power to "push a button" on a creative effort of which we disapprove. But we can refuse to play ball until we get what we want.

What say you, Calculon?

Jake?