On Truth and Self-Awareness

Introduction

I'm feeling a little sick of myself. On my best days, I write because I want to try to inform myself and others. When I react because of outrage, and the desire to smite mendacity - that's slightly less noble. Worst of all is when I act out of the desire to contradict, and enhance my own ego. In reaction to John's blog event I started off pretty well, but degenerated quickly into anger and wrath, ending with my gorging myself on self-gratifying conjecture. I believe I had a point, but that's not so important. I made recently made a commitment to lead this blog in a positive direction, describing what is good, not merely railing against what's wrong. So far, I'm failing miserably.

What is it so hard for be to describe what I value? If I want to persuade anyone, this is a skill I need to master. People don't vacate a position because it's invalidated. They need to be shown greener pastures in which to relocate. I must describe a better way.

Truth

My principle value is truth. Although I was religious for a relatively short time, I can't shake the effect of religion from my mind. I still picture myself serving an external force, like God. Of course, I don't call it God anymore, I call it truth. This is deceptive, and probably counter-productive. I don't actually believe that truth is accurately described as a value. Values come from someplace else. One doesn't devote oneself to 2+2=4. Similarly, one cannot serve the principle behind 2+2=4.

Still, everything I have that's any good is thanks to the pursuit of truth. Besides physical goods that are the fruit of science, mathematics and technology, the benefits of true understanding are manifold. Without it, honest relationships, ethics, and self-awareness are impossible. I don't need truth like I need clean food and water; but still, I'm utterly dependent on it.

Truth is the wellspring of all good things. I horde true understanding for myself and those I love. I deny it like a miser to enemies. With it, all things are possible. Without it, things fall apart.

Self-Awareness

Carl Sagan described science as more than just a methodology for arriving at fact. He described it as a special way of thinking. A way of skeptically interrogating the universe, which is inherently good and wholesome for human minds. I share this notion.

This special way of thinking is something unique, that sets us apart from other life on Earth. It plays to our strengths as thinking animals. It is uniquely human. To engage in it is do something intrinsically right and good, because it is so tied to our special nature. It's an affirmation of everything human.

And what are we? What does it mean to be human? What is our nature? I don't claim to have even a fraction of the answer to this. I will say this. We are perceiving animals. We are a collection of "stuff" that is self aware. We're aware, not just of what our senses and instincts tell us, but of how things truly are. We are capable of understanding. We can see the way that truth manifests itself in nature, through interrogation of facts. And we're aware of what we ourselves are. We are stuff. We are a collection of organic matter that  is aware that we are merely organic matter.

My "poetry" leaves a lot to be desired, but these facts are, to me, simply amazing. The wondrous miracle of a single human mind. The potential is staggering. When a religious person says something like, "I am nothing compared to God", or when an astronomer says "We are tiny little specks compared to the awesome vastness of the universe", I find the sentiment disturbing. A human mind, however small and temporary, is astonishing. When a human being makes a valuation of something, anything, it is astonishing. To teach a single person to reason, to enable him to think and expand and grow for life - is a greater feat than moving a planet. If I can help to provoke that in one single human brain, I'll die happy.

Self-awareness, like any kind of understanding, is an open-ended process. There is not absolute certainty in scientific inquiry. One gathers more data, finding more and more consistent evidence, attaining more certainty - but total and absolute certainty is not possible. Similarly, self-awareness is a process that human beings must struggle to attain. This is a constant, never-ending struggle for more and more. There is no goal post. There is no "nirvana" or total state of enlightenment.

Like natural science, self-awareness is earned through constant, rigorous skeptical inquiry. It involves interrogating every nook and cranny of one's sense of self. Ethics, values, assumptions, insecurities, petty foibles, strengths, weaknesses, desires, ideals. Everything must be held up to the light and examined, constantly, with a deliberate effort at objectivity and consistency. This sometimes means putting efforts at cultivating self-esteem and gratification aside, if only for a while.

We all make an effort at this, to varying degrees. But we don't always do this consciously or deliberately. We do this as a part of attempting "maturity" or "virtue". We try to align ourselves to what we see as good principles. I give western religion some credit in encouraging this. Those who truly accept the call to "serve god" are probably rarely narcissists or sociopaths. Their vocation demands rigorous personal inquiry, which those individuals are incapable of performing.

Conclusion

I don't want to give the impression that I have mastered any of this. I am not giving instructions from inside my ivory tower. I fail at this discipline - constantly. I'm making an attempt here to flesh this notion out. For myself, and readers.

This is what is in my life, filling the void of religion. I firmly believe that there is something very important to this, and I owe it to myself to explore it fully. To refine it and find a way to package it and disseminate it.

I would appreciate any help.