This'll be a short one. The topic is: If God asked you to choose they way he returns to the scene, in a big, dramatic, apocalyptic way, what would you do?
"Very cute! It's whatever we think of! If we think of J. Edgar Hoover, J. Edgar Hoover will appear and destroy us. Empty your heads, don't think of anything!"
"I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never, ever possibly destroy us: Mr. Stay Puff't."
Serious Scenario - The Quickening
I would ask God to cause every person on Earth to experience their own death. Not just a spontaneous, drop dead thing. But to experience their own, unique death. Whatever that would eventually be for each person. Some would experience a death bed thing, surrounded by family. Some would have get shot in the face. Some would get hit by a bus. However you're fated to die, you spontaneously skip to that moment. And after death, you get the experience your judgement by God. You'll be scrutinized by the man upstairs, and given the objective, unadulterated truth.
Then, everyone snaps back to their life. We get to keep the memory of the experience, and would hopefully walk away with a new perspective and a better attitude. And, we'd know that God exists into the bargain. Win-win.
Not Serious Scenario - Hobo Awakening
I'd ask God to give every homeless person in the world super mutant powers. X-men style, where it's totally random. Some would be mega sweet (telekinesis is the best - fact), some would be super lame (ability to grow finger nails at an accelerated rate ala Family Guy). But the overall affect is that we, the sane and employed normals would be forced to submit to our new crazed hobo overlords. They would probably force us into service as still operators, cranking out the bathtub hooch that they require to keep their energy levels high, and minds limber.
The stench would be... incalculable.
I dedicate this blog to Christopher Hitchens, may he rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteI like it.
ReplyDeleteAnd ah Mr. Hitchens, I'm sure he did his best but even he couldn't stop the sainthood process for the evil Mother Theresa.
Hitchens and Christopher Buckley were my two favorite writers, when it comes to style and pleasure of reading.
ReplyDeleteReading Hitchens was like eating a perfectly cooked, medium rare USDA Prime filet, with minimal seasoning of course sea salt and freshly cracked black pepper, which has been properly rested and topped with a pad of butter to keep the meat moist. It just melts in your mouth. And if you're planning on making a joke - Yes, I'd fellate the man, big whoop, wanna fight about it?
Mr. Hitchens was one of the most notable and entertaining intellectuals of our times. He shall be missed.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I find your serious scenario to be rather fascinating, but I have some questions. What about infants? I assume that in one brief second they'll have gained a lifetimes worth of knowledge. They'll come to understand the meaning of pain and death. They'll know who they'll marry, how many children they'll have, how many acts of evil or goodness they've committed in their lifetimes. What happens when these people regress back to being infants? All of this information is beyond their ability to comprehend.
What about people who are not fond of the way they die? Can they change the future or will their attempt only bring about the events they foresaw?
What about the subject of indentity? As we grow older our likes and dislikes change, and our opinions can become altered quite radically. If you were to suddenly receive the memories of an older you, how might this affect the identity of the current you?
I hadn't considered the infants at all, honestly. Not sure.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the fate thing, I don't tend to be super fatalistic, so I think that after the experience one would know that they could change the way that they die, or how they live, or whether to maintain certain friendships or not, etc etc.
As far as identity, I'm not sure. You're seeing what you would become, if it were not for the experience, and again you'd have the ability to change, or accept some/all of what you saw of yourself in the future.
I guess the gist is that I want people to get the experience of someone who has lived and died, enough to make more informed decisions about what they want, and who they want to be. If I were to see my end, and see that I lived the rest of my life much as I am today, with the same foibles and inadequacies, never taking a chance to do something great with my life, that might be enough to motivate me for something different.